Need
by droppedmysonic
Summary: Sometimes, when you're dealing with people whose lives have sucked, you realize... A lot of the things they say and do are a front. Blaine needs Kurt to need him. It's the only thing that makes him feel worthwhile.


_A/N: Klaine is so addicting. I thought I knew what an OTP was before, but hooooly crap. I've been writing snippets and halves of fics, but there're so many plot bunnies hopping around that I'm getting confused, so I'm really excited to present you with my first finished fic, a one-shot from the Kurt_Blaine comm on LJ – we have a fic meme now! It's exciting. The prompt was: "Months after meeting, Blaine realizes that Kurt doesn't need a mentor anymore. There is nothing more Blaine can help with so he thinks their friendship will drift apart. Kurt, on the other hand, knows that he'll never not need Blaine. Non-established relationship would be nice. :)" I've just realized it doesn't exactly FIT the prompt to the letter, but… oh well. Blaine-centric, Blaine POV._

I know I'm a pompous jerk sometimes. Okay, in all honesty, I'm a pompous jerk a lot of the time. I try not to be but it just happens, and it keeps people distant. When Kurt came into my life, so desperate for help that he was willing to ignore how annoying I can be, it was like God finally looked at me and said, "Okay, sorry for your life sucking. Here's a best friend for you." Because Kurt is the perfect best friend, and I suspect he'd make an even better boyfriend. I don't know. You'd have to ask Paul about that, because he's dating freaking Paul now and it kind of really pisses me off.

It's like he doesn't need me anymore.

It hurts.

I can't remember what my life was like before Kurt, other than a whole lot of throwing myself into school and Warblers practice, because I was good at them and the praise almost made me feel like people liked me. I don't think they do. Until Kurt, I couldn't get close enough to anyone to show that beneath my snotty attitude I'm actually a nice person, and that I'm compassionate. It's kind of second nature to be a jerk, after all the years of stuff I had to put up with, but Kurt – I trusted him immediately and he trusted me and instinctively I turned into Tender Heart Care Bear, which turned out to be exactly what we both needed.

A few weeks after he'd transferred to Dalton, his self-confidence finally reignited, and it was great to watch him start making friends and being open, but I was jealous – of him, for making friends so fast, and of his friends, for taking him away from me. I shoved those feelings deep down inside me though, because I refuse to hurt him. It'd be like hurting myself, almost. I don't know. Kurt Hummel turned my life and my logic upside down and I have no idea what I'm talking about anymore.

I need him in my life. I don't even need him to need me back. I'd be willing to let the roles reverse, to trail him like a smitten puppy until he kicks me because I'm getting annoying. There's probably something wrong with me for being totally okay with that concept. I'm pretty sure that would fall under the heading of abuse, actually.

I was thinking about what to tell him – what would be most likely to make him stay – when I get a text. It's from Kurt, and something inside me warms up, and then does cartwheels of joy when I read "I broke up with Paul." I am such an asshole for being happy about that, but he's probably upset and now I can comfort him and try to make it all better and he'll need me again for at least a few hours.

I sprint to his room, stopping outside to breathe and rearrange my jacket, and realize just how pitiful my life has become as I knock on the door. Seriously, I'm not sure how my life was reduced to this. Kurt answers and I examine his face for tear tracks, for tightened jaw muscles – he just looks bored. "Oh, hey," he says calmly. "What are you doing here?"

I hold up my phone. "Thought you might be upset…" I say. Clearly he's not.

"Clearly, I'm not."

"I noticed."

"I was just kind of bored with him. All flat and two dimensional and needy. Like a lost puppy."

That makes me want to kind of go back to my room and smash my head repeatedly into the wall.

"Blaine?" Kurt asks curiously. "Are you okay? You've been… I don't know. Weird, lately. I know usually I'm the one who talks to you about problems, but… Well, I'm capable of listening, too," and then he laughs nervously and smiles that cute smile, and I realize I'm half in love with him, and the other half is a desperate, needy obsession.

So I tell him. I tell him everything, except my stupid feelings for him. I tell him the way I feel as two dimensional as he thinks Paul is, to the way my life was totally pointless before him and the way my father disowned me for my sexuality and how my mother hates me for breaking up their marriage and how my older sister tries her hardest to keep an eye out for me but is too busy with her own life to be a parent. I tell him about the things people told me in middle school and my freshman year, the way people assumed I was a slut because I was gay and spread rumors that I was sleeping with the teachers to get good grades, and –

Basically, I tell him how useless and worthless I really am.

He watches as all of this spills out of me in a rush and my eyes start burning. I hate crying, especially in front of people, but I think it's too late to turn back. I can't hold the tears back anymore and in the middle of a sentence, they start flowing. I am ridiculous and I am pitiful and I ought to just go kill myself. I don't even like myself, and certainly no one else does. This world would be better off without me.

"Blaine… sweetie…" Kurt murmurs, reaching for my hand. "You've let them into your head," he says regretfully. "Come here," he sighs, using his free hand to brush some of the tears off of my face.

"Remember the first day we met? You told me that I could choose whether or not to be the victim. Blaine, baby, you should take your own advice. For years, you've believed what they told you. You let it get to you and hurt you and now you think it's true. I've been there, too – once, and only once, and it was the worst place I've ever been." Kurt looks into my eyes. "None of it is true," he says forcefully.

I almost believe him, but the word of one guy against four years and a divorce?

"Blaine, you had so much energy and life when we met, and you're falling, and it upsets me, and I don't know what it is, but I don't want that to happen. What would make you happy again?" Kurt asks me.

"I don't want you to leave," I finally blurt out.

Kurt blinks. "What?"

"Don't leave me," I say desperately.

Kurt shakes his head. "I still have no idea what you're talking about."

"You don't need me anymore," I whisper. "You're going to leave, and I'm going to be alone again."

Kurt stares at me blankly before laughing hysterically for a few seconds. "Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't laugh. But… Blaine, friends aren't like tissues. You don't use them and throw them away. Jeez, is that what all this is about? I'm not 'going' anywhere. Come on, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You single-handedly showed me that the way my life was going wasn't the way it always had to go…" he trails off for a few moments before decisively stating, "and now I'm going to do the same for you."

I let out a sigh of relief. All I heard in that statement was "I'm not going anywhere" and it's the best four words ever.

"Blaine?" Kurt says, prodding me. "Are you even listening?"

"I'm trying," I answer honestly. "But I'm just…"

Kurt smiles a little before squeezing my hand a little tighter. "This is probably a really bad idea, Blaine, but I'd like to try something," he says. "Can I?"

I nod miserably, staring at the floor for a few moments before Kurt tips my face up and kisses me gently. Oh, his lips are as wonderfully soft as they look and I can't remember – why was I upset again? I must have a dopey look on my face as he pulls away because he giggles, and then snorts in an undignified manner that makes me laugh too.

When the amusement settles down, he looks at me seriously. "Blaine, sweetie, I really, really don't want to take advantage of you. But I really, really like you. And it sounds like… Well, you've had very little affection in your life. I may have had a crap time of it, but at the very least my dad always loved me, and the last few years, I've had friends who've loved me. And if you'll let me, I'd like to pay it forward by loving you for a while. Is that okay?"

That's totally okay. That's wonderful, actually. I tell him that and from his smile, I think he thinks it's wonderful too.


End file.
